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A few days ago, I managed to get a few things done with the help of my wheelchair. I even swept the area in front of my front door while sitting in it. And in doing so, I resisted the pressure to do everything while standing. At that moment, I didn’t care what my neighbors might think of me, because I had sometimes felt ashamed of the wheelchair. When I was done sweeping—the dirt, by the way, usually comes from my neighbor—I was really proud that I was able to do something on my own again and didn't have to rely on others.

Less than five minutes later, the lower back on the right side (my partner’s side) began to hurt very badly, and I could no longer stand, let alone walk. This intense pain lasted for a few days, so that even in my apartment I could only get around in a wheelchair—which, at that moment, was perfectly fine with me and a welcome help. I was pain-free only when lying down. As soon as I stood up or needed to use the bathroom, the pain was unbearable. Every step, every movement was accompanied by a wave of pain.
But why is that?

I actually thought that the healing of neomesodermal tissue in the musculoskeletal system always hurts? I was wrong. Any connective tissue located there hurts more when under stress in PCL. With bones, however, it’s a little different. Bones themselves don’t have pain receptors; only the periosteum covering them does. So when the bone heals, fluid accumulates there, causing a healing edema that stretches the periosteum and causes pain when weight is applied from above.

I don't know if it was a bone, a disc, or cartilage in my case. The main thing is that it heals.

And now that I’ve experienced this firsthand, it’s even easier for me to rest on the couch. After all, my back is working away almost painlessly for my own good. And sitting still causes severe pain, even after the third day. So why risk a relapse? I don’t know if my subconscious mind happily views every bout of pain as “repair pain.”

What really impressed me about it was how quietly the conflict was resolved. It was a huge weight off my shoulders, but the impact was very subtle and yet extremely effective.

But why was the “partner side” affected and not the central LWS, which would, after all, be about me?

This had to do with my assumption of how the outside world (neighbors) might see me—that I see myself as dependent on others and often feel ashamed of that. So clearly, the “partner side.” And clearly, a blow to my self-esteem.

 

👉🏻 My comment from the GH/NM persprective:

🟠 Conflict: SWE—Worthless in my eyes and in the eyes of others if I am dependent; social shame; musculoskeletal system, lumbar spine; new mesoderm

My experience with this back pain is invaluable, because it shows me that the body can sometimes heal itself without me even noticing. Trust is one of the cornerstones of healing and helps prevent conditions from becoming chronic.

And: Just because it doesn’t hurt right now doesn’t mean it’s a CA phase.